Everyone else I know is shopping for school and touring colleges with their teen.
I’m taking my 18 year old son to visit a program designed for high functioning autistic young adults. It’s a transitional living program that will be Dane’s home for a few months so I can go spend time with my husband in South Africa, where he’s working.
Dane thinks it’s a great idea, he didn’t want to go with us anyway (typical for an 18 year old!?)
2 weeks into transitioning him to live in this program, they tell me they don’t think it’s going to be a good fit. They don’t know what to do with him. I freaked out. My public school didn’t know what to do with him! The nd mother of all autism agencies didn’t know what to do with him! Here we are again! I’m stunned and rejected and hurt. His grade school friends don’t know what to do with him. His uncles don’t know what to do with him. Most of my friends don’t know what to do with him. The list is very long …
So now I’m trying to let these rejections fall away from me as I focus on my path and my son. I’m letting it all fall away because I can’t handle the judgement or distraction of it all. I can’t handle the pain and loss. I can’t handle the loneliness - because I truly am alone in this mess. I have to turn inwards and focus on that rope. My lifeline. Dane’s future. People if you are not with me in my plan, then you are against me and I can’t have that right now. I need support and encouragement. I need to hear “I can”, “we can”, “HE can”.
I’m at a crossroads right now.
I look at Dane and I fall to pieces. He is so resilient and uninhibited. He’s kind and thoughtful. He’s brilliant and creative. He loves people - even after all the rejection! We have come so far because of our faith, love and ability to adapt and overcome. God has a plan for my son that’s greater than all the people that have dumped him. God has placed some amazing human beings to stand by us & help us move our journey forward. And for that I feel blessed!
And so now I get to go to South Africa to be with my husband, because a few good people believe in my plan and in Dane, and have stepped up to help me make this happen.
I’m crazed packing and planning. Arranging conservatorship, court dates, I feel like a drill sergeant & planner extraordinaire! For Dane, it’s time to live up to his statement “I don’t want parents.” For 3 months he will see what that’s like.
I’m excited for him and scared all at the same time, as I am for myself. But as always, deep down I know that Dane and I will not only survive - we will thrive.